I'm an old head. Yes, I am. I'm a true, old head. I recall what seemed like not too long ago, I referred to others as old heads; I am now one, myself. Not that I am "up there" in age. But, I am waaay up there in mentality.
I believe it began with the fact that I was usually the youngest person I hung out with. I was the youngest person in my crew in elementary, high school, and college. As I got older, the gap in age of heads I chilled with also grew. I'm not sure why; that's just how it seemed to work out. As a result, I think I've always acted older than my own years.
Of late, I've been feeling like a real live old head due to my listening to the radio. I say that because it's starting to seem like I'm having a one-person version of the restaurant scene of I Think I Love My Wife, where they're all talking about how disgusted they are with what passes for "urban music" these days.
Unless you've banned the radio, television, and all print media from your life...
...you're likely familiar with Nicki Minaj and Drake. While they both are dope on the mic in their own way, I have similar issues with them, that my old head-ism is compelling me to share. I'll start by breaking it down with three words: y'all can't sing! This whole muted, minimalist beats with the super voice processing in the studio is mad wack. It's one thing if you're gonna throw a couple notes in on a bar or two for emphasis, or even add some flair to a hook. But, these fools are putting out entire songs of this "singing" foolinish! Teddy Riley knows he can't sing. You don't ever hear him putting out a solo record, or even hear his dry voice on a track. No, that brother be steady on the vocoder, blowing into that talkbox tube, Troutman-style.
But, Onika and Aubrey really be acting like they can sing, for real. I stress the term "acting," as that's what they both started out doing. This is no newsflash, but Drake gained his first notoriety playing in the Canadian teen soap series Degrassi. And Nicki went to NYC's LaGuardia High School of the Performing Arts, majoring in drama... go figure. Now, they both put their dramatic skills to the test regularly, acting like they can sing on Billboard chart-topper after chart-topper. These two halfwits also got so full of themselves that they got twarried (I'm trying to coin a new Twitter trend; see my last post). Yeah, they posted back and forth to each other on their respective Twitter pages, frontin' like they got hitched; a self-inflicted twumor (I'll get something to stick) that lasted no longer than their ability to harmonize on the same song together. They both also put out mixtapes that are waaay hotter than their respective debut releases, though Nicki brought much more shame to their camp than Drake with her pop-hop attempt of a rap album. Pathetic.
Another old-headism I've been displaying lies in another artist. If you recall, He-Man and most other superheroes' biggest beef was when their adversaries used their powers, however strong, for evil. Let's say I'm Captain Radio and we'll call Chris Brown the Good Record Potential Destroyer. Yes, he lumped up his ex-boo something serious. I mean, the boy was straight crumping on her neckback, for real. And as messed up as that was, it doesn't mean he is not talented. I mean, we all wish R. Kelly didn't have such a heavy bladder, but "I Believe I Can Fly" still gets me all choked up!
Now, the youngin's latest track that's been getting its fair share of constant payola-funded spins is "No B.S.," a little ditty that seems harmless enough to start. Smooth, mid-tempo, almost hypnotic rhythm and ultra-catchy melody. Nice, to set the mood. No, wait, what did he just say?
Yes, I am an old head. I like old ass music, and new music that sounds old. I chill with people twice my age like it's nothing. I'm okay with that. I'm also okay with the idea of living to get old! We can only choose one alternative to getting old... and I'm not ready to cash in my chips yet... I got a hot hand to play!
So, to keep in the good vibrations of old-headism, I'll share this banger from stic.man (of dead prez)'s 2008 debut solo lp, Manhood (Deluxe Edition). Note: the tune is only on the deluxe/re-release of the lp, which was only released as a digital download. The fell-good track features Young Noble of the 2Pac-famed Outlawz, and will probably stay one of my favorite tunes... ever:
...you're likely familiar with Nicki Minaj and Drake. While they both are dope on the mic in their own way, I have similar issues with them, that my old head-ism is compelling me to share. I'll start by breaking it down with three words: y'all can't sing! This whole muted, minimalist beats with the super voice processing in the studio is mad wack. It's one thing if you're gonna throw a couple notes in on a bar or two for emphasis, or even add some flair to a hook. But, these fools are putting out entire songs of this "singing" foolinish! Teddy Riley knows he can't sing. You don't ever hear him putting out a solo record, or even hear his dry voice on a track. No, that brother be steady on the vocoder, blowing into that talkbox tube, Troutman-style.
But, Onika and Aubrey really be acting like they can sing, for real. I stress the term "acting," as that's what they both started out doing. This is no newsflash, but Drake gained his first notoriety playing in the Canadian teen soap series Degrassi. And Nicki went to NYC's LaGuardia High School of the Performing Arts, majoring in drama... go figure. Now, they both put their dramatic skills to the test regularly, acting like they can sing on Billboard chart-topper after chart-topper. These two halfwits also got so full of themselves that they got twarried (I'm trying to coin a new Twitter trend; see my last post). Yeah, they posted back and forth to each other on their respective Twitter pages, frontin' like they got hitched; a self-inflicted twumor (I'll get something to stick) that lasted no longer than their ability to harmonize on the same song together. They both also put out mixtapes that are waaay hotter than their respective debut releases, though Nicki brought much more shame to their camp than Drake with her pop-hop attempt of a rap album. Pathetic.
Another old-headism I've been displaying lies in another artist. If you recall, He-Man and most other superheroes' biggest beef was when their adversaries used their powers, however strong, for evil. Let's say I'm Captain Radio and we'll call Chris Brown the Good Record Potential Destroyer. Yes, he lumped up his ex-boo something serious. I mean, the boy was straight crumping on her neckback, for real. And as messed up as that was, it doesn't mean he is not talented. I mean, we all wish R. Kelly didn't have such a heavy bladder, but "I Believe I Can Fly" still gets me all choked up!
Now, the youngin's latest track that's been getting its fair share of constant payola-funded spins is "No B.S.," a little ditty that seems harmless enough to start. Smooth, mid-tempo, almost hypnotic rhythm and ultra-catchy melody. Nice, to set the mood. No, wait, what did he just say?
It's 3:00 in the morning / You know I'm horny / So, won't you come over my place / And put a smile on my faceWhat the efff, dude?! I know Marvin was blunt when he tried to Get It On. Yes, Teddy all but threatened his woman's life if she didn't turn 'em off (i.e., the lights). But, when you go so far as to mention the word condom in your "slow jam," you need to reevaluate some $#!t.
You already know what time it is / Reach up in the dresser where them condoms is
And the stupid dummy is using improper grammar to boot!!
Yes, I am an old head. I like old ass music, and new music that sounds old. I chill with people twice my age like it's nothing. I'm okay with that. I'm also okay with the idea of living to get old! We can only choose one alternative to getting old... and I'm not ready to cash in my chips yet... I got a hot hand to play!
So, to keep in the good vibrations of old-headism, I'll share this banger from stic.man (of dead prez)'s 2008 debut solo lp, Manhood (Deluxe Edition). Note: the tune is only on the deluxe/re-release of the lp, which was only released as a digital download. The fell-good track features Young Noble of the 2Pac-famed Outlawz, and will probably stay one of my favorite tunes... ever:
stic.man - My S.W.A.G. Is Up f. Young Noble
My pride is up, my spirit it up; add it up. My S.W.A.G. is up! Bump this one, and pay them haters no mind.
I'm about to jet, but my old @$$ wanted to wish y'all all a happy not-so-new year. I have some more of my published writing to share, too; soon come!
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